Arrows

I’ve been a mess. Along with being in quarantine again because of Rosie this time, I’m switching antidepressants which means weaning off one before starting the next one. It’s been rough and I was emotionally all over the place last night and this morning. Jason has let me just stay back in our room and veg all day today thankfully. It’s a well needed break to just turn my brain off and recharge for the week.

I’ve had this picture in my head for the past couple of weeks of how I feel when I am at my worst (usually at night.) It feels like I’m a soldier that is only strong enough to hold up a shield to know I’m being hit by arrows (the lies), but not strong enough to fight back. I am grateful and need my friends to help fight back by reminding me of the truth of what God says (the cross arrows.) I finally made the picture that I kept seeing today. 

The Common Arrows (Lies) 

•I’m not enough for Jason. 

•He is still hiding something. 

•God doesn’t care about me. 

•The wall I’ve built between Jason and I will never come down even though I want it to. 

•I’ll never feel rainbows and unicorns for Jason again. Never have the sparkly eyes. 

•It’s my fault that everything isn’t normal because I can’t figure out what forgiveness is. 

•You haven’t truly forgiven him. 

•You aren’t healing fast enough. 

•Your frustration/anger with God is bad.

•Your relationship with God will never be the same as it was before. 

•Your problems aren’t that big of a deal. Your friends have problems too and you shouldn’t bug them. 

•You have had to have too many mental health times/days and are a wuss. Just suck it up.