The Island: An Update & Reflections on my body

 The island is changing. Slowly but surely.

  • But at the same time respect people's choices for themselves rather than being bitter and angry
    • remembered to do this during Christmas with my mom's drinking 
      • felt angry every now and then, but more so, sad for what my mom might be missing out on 
      • Does she sleep so late or feel foggy in the mornings?
      • Does she know she doesn't have to feel irritable or impatient in the evenings and that she can feel clear headed and happy without the wine?
    • Also during Christmas learning to give my parents more grace and respect for how they interact with Rosie - let them love her and connect with her in their way versus my expectation and standard for them 
      • noticed how I put Jason's family, especially my MIL, on a pedestal for how they love and interact with Rosie, but then opened my eyes to realize both families actually interact pretty similarly in the reality that they love her so well
      • I don't have preconceived/built up frustration/insecurities with Jason's family to influence my thoughts of them like I do my own family  
  • Beginning of the UNFOLDING OF FREEDOM
    • Body Image
    • body betrayal
      • can't trust it
      • relationship with body that's not based on people/the collective expectations - need to remember this through being in "The Biggest Loser" - remember that I am in it for the accountability toward a healthy lifestyle, not just for weight loss
      • entitlement
        • body "should" be like
        • my body doesn't owe me anything - I am just borrowing it while on earth
        • I could do everything I can to try and get healthy labs, and my body could still not do it, but still love my body
    • manage things with gratitude - "I love my eyes. that I can see. Walk. smile so big..."
      • Love my greenish/blue eyes and sight - even though I have horrible eyesight, I love that I can see and makes me so grateful to live in this era
      • Love my height and long legs 
      • Love my nose and especially now that I can breathe better and smell beautiful things, especially when they spark memories or emotions for me
        • Rosie's bonnet 
        • smells that remind me of my honeymoon resort
        • the ocean
        • certain trees that immediately transport me back to California  
      • Love that despite all the hard from my hysterectomy that I do not have a period anymore! I don't think about it often, but it is such a relief I don't have to worry about that anymore
      • Love that I can walk and dance and move
      • Love my voice
      • Love my boobs 
    • my body is my garden
      • cultivate, not perfect, not a one time and you are done, beautiful, continual work, value because it is mine
      • Like a plant, I could do everything I can to try and get healthy labs, and my body could still not do it, but still love my body overall
      • Like with plants, each plant needs something different, each person is different
      • Sometimes what worked one time doesn't work the next time
      • In a garden you focus on the beauty, even if there are weeds, often the weeds are sometimes even beautiful 
      • Value a garden because of the collective beauty of what it all looks like together, not because of just one plant. So easy to overlook anything that isn't "perfect" because of the collective - same with a body - focus on what you are grateful for
    • What "shoulds" do I do?
    • Differentiation
      • my own thoughts, values
      • someone else talking poorly about their body doesn't mean I need to think poorly about my own 
    Back to the Island
    • My island doesn't have to be a threatening island, it's my island...it can be as wonderful as I want to make it
    • Ego strength - When it comes to mental well-being, ego strength is often used to describe an individual's ability to maintain their identity and sense of self in the face of pain, distress, and conflict. Researchers have also suggested that acquiring new defenses and coping mechanisms is an important component of ego strength.
      • An individual with solid ego-strength approaches challenges with a sense that he or she can overcome the problem and even grow as a result.
      • Even when very difficult events or tragedies occur, those who possess ego strength are able to pick themselves up, dust themselves off and move forward with a sense of optimism. Proverbs 31:25
      • Individuals with low ego strength struggle to cope in the face of problems and may try to avoid reality through wishful thinking, substance use, and fantasies.
    • Authentic Worship
    What makes me not...
    • handing over power to something else - like my mom or other people
    • keep it for myself stronger
    Comfortable in my own skin in emotional health
  • Invited into harnessing gratitude
    • harness - control and make use of (natural resources), especially to produce energy, straps, be attached to gratitude
    • not just have gratitude, but let it be the driver that controls my life