The Return

Walking through the doors, and sitting back on that couch felt like home. It has been four years since I last came to counseling, when I was walking through cancer, but now, four years later, it still feels so familiar and good. 

This time, rather than cancer, though it's getting even deeper of me truly trusting in who God says I am and getting to worship Him because of who He's made me. Digging deep into what my identity really is. 

Notes from the Session:

  • Growth is a crock pot, not a microwave
  • How can affirmation be the icing on the cake, not the oxygen for my soul?  
    • Goodness Gracious! This is what I desire so much. I want Christ to be the oxygen for my soul so much, but I don't know how to get there!
  • I can't outsource my worship to God 
  • Would I enjoy the characteristics of myself I like, even if no one was there to experience them?
  • If it was just me on an island, what would I respect about myself? How can I be my own best friend?
I was asked to reflect the most on that last question. Basically, what do I like about myself that doesn't have anything to do with anyone else. 

Before I get there, though, I at least want to record what I do like about myself that might have to do with other people, remembering God created each of these things in me. I believe we were made to be in community, so these are all vital, powerful ways to be Christ and show Christ to others. I can't take credit for them, but just worship Him for who He made me. (I also just pulled up a list of positive character traits that I am working off of)
  • Kindness
  • Service
  • Genuine
  • Helping Hands and Heart
  • Empathy
  • Reliable
  • Organized
  • Adaptable 
  • Desire to Grow and Learn
  • Resourceful
  • Self - Aware
  • Sincere
  • Brave
  • Committed to people
  • Connected to others
  • Calming
  • Generous
  • Curious
  • Courageous
  • Faithful
  • Funny
  • Friendly
  • Honest
  • Leader
  • Integrity
  • Learner
  • Trusting
  • Supportive
  • Wise
  • Patient (Usually)
  • Listener
  • Loving
  • Warm
Here is the thing, though. Those are all such great characteristics, and I'm so, so grateful for them, but if I was all of a sudden completely, utterly by myself...if it was just me and Jesus then I can't fall back on those things to fill me. There is a deeper layer to who I am.

One of the hardest parts for me in being a Stay At Home Mama is not being able to daily live out what I think are my strengths. But that doesn't change who I really am. Who God really says I am. I value and respect those characteristics so much, but do I idolize them and see them more as things I have to be doing or else I'm not a full person?

As I think through what is hard in my life...having a toddler, the lingering effects of cancer and the failed match, the waiting in adoption, transracial adoption, feeling "other," have I gotten caught up in the world's definition of happiness? Do I so value being understood and being caught in the you "deserve" to have this now, that I feel "owed" for my hard things to go away and life to be easier? In the midst of wanting the microwave solutions, have I forgotten who I really am in Christ? The deep, beautiful truths of who He says I am. 

So put me on the island. If this is a survival situation, then yes some of those characteristics above will still need to come out, but no one will be there to see them and they do not define who I really am anyway. I want to just be so rooted in who I am in Christ that there is nothing else that matters. 

So who does Christ say I am? (From an old ministry resource I have - some of the language is geared toward what looks like high school students, but still a powerful resource) None of this is dependent on me. None of this is dependent on if someone tells me I am these things. They are just truth. The key is how to get me to actually deep down believe them.   

MY OLD IDENTITY

The person I think myself to be

MY NEW IDENTITY

The person God has made me to be.

GOD’S WORD

God’s fact sheet about me.

 

 

 

1.  I am unworthy.

1.  I am unconditional worthy.

1.  Mt. 6:26, Jn.3:16, Zeph. 3:17

2.  I am unattractive.

2.  I am a prince/princess (Absolutely attractive)

2.  2 Cor 6:18, Gen 1:26, Eph. 4:24

3.  I am an unhappy person.

3.  I am a happy person.

3.  Phil 4:4, Ps 128:1-2

4.  I am not a very likable person.

4.  I am likeable.

4.  1 Thess 2:19, Ps 18:19

5.  I am unacceptable

5.  I am totally acceptable.

5.  Rom 15:7, Ps 139

6.  I am an unlovable person

6.  I am worthy of all love.

6.  1 Cor. 13:4-8, 1 Jn 4:7-21

7.  I am just a fat, ugly, person.

7.  I am really a normal person

7.  Song of Sol 4:7, Ps 8:5

8.  I am a lonely person

8.  He never leaves me alone.

8.  Heb 5:7, Rom. 8:38-39

9.  I am really inadequate.

9.  I am totally adequate for all that He has called me to do.

9.  2 Cor 3:5, Phil 4:13

10.  I am nothing but a failure.

10.  He makes me a successful person.

10.  1 Thess 5:24

11.  I am a fearful person.

11.  He gives me freedom from fear.

11.  Phil 1:20, Ps 34:4, 2 Tim. 1:7, 1 Pet 5:7, 1 Jn 4:18

12.  I have no confidence.

12.  I am a bold, confident person

12.  Prov 14:26, 28:1, Prov 3:26, Heb 10:19, Eph 3:12

13.  I am a very anxious person.

13.  I don’t have to be anxious.

13.  Phil 4:6-7, 1 Pet 5:7, Prov. 3:25

14.  I am an angry person.

14.  He takes away my anger.

14.  Eph 4:26, Col 3:8

15.  I am not a responsible person.

15.  I am very responsible.

15.  Phil 2:13, Lk 16:10

16.  I am not really trustworthy.

16.  He makes me absolutely trustworthy.

16.  1 Cor 13:4-8, Mt. 25:21

17.  I am a sinner.

17.  No, I am a saint!

17.  2 Cor 2:1, 1 Pet 2:9

18.  I am a timid person.

18.  He give me boldness

18.  2 Cor 1:21, Eph 3:12

19.  I am so inconsistent

19.  He makes me consistent.

19.  Rom 15:5, Eph 5:15-16

20.  I am just stupid and dumb.

20.  He has given me wisdom.

20.  1 Cor 1:30, 2:26, Prov 2:6-7

 

21.  I am so negative.

21.  I am really a positive person. 

21.  Rom 15:13, Jer 29:11

22.  I just don’t feel good about myself.

22.  I am a neat person.  Besides I am a child of the King!

22.  Rom 12:2-3, Ps. 9:16, 2 Cor 6:18

 

23.  I feel guilty all the time.

23.  He takes all the guilt away because I am totally forgiven.

23.  Heb 10:17, Ps 103:12, Ps 32:1-2, Eph 1:7, Col 1:14, 20 Heb 10:7

24.  I am carnal

24.  He has made me spiritual

24.  Gal 5:22-23, Rom 8:9

25.  God doesn’t care about me.

25.  God does care about me!  He is my Father!

25.  Rom. 8:15-16, Ps 68:5

26.  I am very impatient.

26.  God is making me a patient person.

26.  Jas 1:2-8

 

27.  I worry all the time.

27.  He takes my worries away.

27.  Mt 6:33-34

28.  I am disobedient.

28.  He is making me obedient.

28.  Jn. 15:9-10

29.  I don’t pray very much

29.  He wants to talk with me

29.  Lk 18:1, Mt 11:2-4

30.  People just don’t appreciate me.

30.  I am appreciated.

30.  Prov. 15:8b, Rom 8:37-39

31.  I feel so depressed and hopeless.

31.  He gives me hope.

31.  Rom 15:13, Ps 16:11, Ps. 27:13, Ps 31:24

32.  I have so many doubts.

32.  He removes my doubts.

32.  Jn 16:13, Jer 15:16

33.  I am so confused, I think I am going crazy.

33.  He has given me the mind of Christ, a sound mind

33.  2 Tim 1:7, 1 Cor 2:16

34.  I feel responsible for my whole life. 

34.  God is responsible and cares for me.

34.  Phil 1:6, 2:13, 2 Thess 3:3, Ps 138:8

35.  I don’t really measure up.

35.  I am perfect in Christ.

35.  Heb 10:14, Col 2:13

36.  I don’t think I am very special.

36.  God thinks I am special.  He has set me apart for Himself.

36.  Ps 139, 1 Cor 1:30, 1 Cor 6:11, Eph 1:4

37.  I am always defeated in my Christian walk.

37.  He gives me victory.

37.  Rom 8:37, 2 Cor 2:14, 1 Jn 5:4-5

38.  I don’t have as much as other people.

38.  He has promised me all things.

38.  Phil 4:19, Lk 6:38

39.  I am miserable all the time.

39.  I can rejoice in Christ.

39.  Ps 32:7, 2 Cor 3:17, Jn 8:36

40.  I don’t know if I am going to heaven.

40.  I have eternal life.

40.  1 Jn 5:11

 

 

41.  I don’t have peace.

41.  I have His peace

41.  Jn 14:27

42.  I don’t enjoy life.

42.  I have Christ’s joy.

42.  Jn 15:11

43.  I don’t feel free.  I seem to be in bondage.

43.  I stand in His freedom.

43.  Gal 5:1, Heb 2:15

44.  I am afraid of dying.

44.  He delivers me from the fear of death.

44.  Jn 14:1-2, Heb 2:14-15

45.  I seem to sin all the time.

45.  I am dead to sin

45.  Rom 6:1-11

46.  I don’t have any direction to my life.

46.  God is leading me step by step.

46.  Jer 29:11, Ps 37:23, Jn 10:10, Eph 2:10

47.  Why do I feel God condemns me?

47.  He does not condemn me.  He makes me blameless.

47.  Jn 3:18, Rom. 8:1

48.  I feel powerless

48.  He indwells and empowers me through the Holy Spirit

48.  Eph 5:18, Jn 14, 15, 16

49.  I am not wanted or needed

49.  God wants and needs me.

49.  Rom 8:15-17, Gal 4:5, Eph 1:5

50.  God can’t use me.

50.  God has given me gifts to use.

50.  Rom 12:4-8, 1 Cor 12, Eph 4:11-13

 

HE HAS MADE ME GOOD!!!!

 

Luke 5:20

Your sins are forgiven

Luke 5:32

Christ came to redeem sinners

Luke 7:28

God values each person highly

Romans 3:26

You are justified in Christ

Romans 4:6-8

God has forgiven your sins

Romans 5:8

God loved us even has sinners

Romans 8:1

There is no condemnation to those in Christ

1 Cor 3:16

You are a temple of God

1 Cor 6:9-11

You are sanctified in Christ

1 Cor 12:22-25

The least honorable is most honored

11 Cor 5:17-21

You are a new creature in Christ

Ephesians 3:11-12

We have boldness and confidence in Christ

Colossians 1:14

We have redemption and forgiveness in Christ

1 Peter 1:3

We are born again to a living hope

1 Peter 2:9

You are a Chosen People

1 John 2:12

Your sins are forgiven

 

HE MAKES ME COMPLETE!!!!!!

 

Romans 8:31

God is for us

Romans 8:38-39

Nothing can separate us from God

Romans 12:1-2

Be transformed by God

Romans 15:13

God is hope

1 Cor 2:4-5

Put your faith in the power of God

1 Cor 10:13

God provides a way to escape temptations

11 Cor 3:4-6

Our adequacy is from God

11 Cor 5:7

Walk by faith, not by sight

11 Cor 12:9

God’s grace is sufficient

Galatians 6:9

Don’t lose heart

Ephesians 3:16

Be strengthened with God’s power

Philippians 2:13

God is at work in you

Colossians 1:11

We are strengthened with all power

11 Tim 1:7

God has given us a spirit of power

Hebrews 2:17-18

Christ aides those who are tempted

Hebrews 4:15-16

God helps in time of need

Hebrews 13:20-21

We are equipped to succeed

James 5:11

Job is an example for us

11 Peter 1:3-8

Divine power enables us

 

HE MAKES ME ADEQUATE!!!!!

 

Romans 1:17

Live by faith

Romans 6:6-14

We are freed from our old self

Romans 7:23-25

God is our freedom

Romans 9:6

God’s mercy does not depend on us

1 Cor 3:7

God causes your growth

1 Cor 6:19

You are not your own, you belong to God

11 Cor 1:3-5

God comforts us

11 Cor 3:4-6

Our adequacy is from God

11 Cor 3:17-18

God’s glory is transforming

Galatians 5:16

Walk by the spirit

Ephesians 3:16

We are strengthened by God’s power

Ephesians 4:20-24

Put on the new self

Phil 4:8-9

Think on worthwhile things

Col 3:1-3

Set your mind on things above

11 Tim 2:20-21

Become a cleansed vessel

Hebrews 9:14

Christ cleanses us from dead works

Hebrews 10:17-22

God’s grace cleanses us

1 Peter 2:1-2

Put away bad behavior

11 Peter 1:3-8

Become partakers of God’s divine nature

1 John 2:1-2

He is the satisfaction for our sins

1 John 3:2-3

We are purified